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Party every party like it's a holiday party. This has been a public service announcement.

Melissa McCarthy freaked like a pro today!  The charm-monster superstar chats about Wilmington, Freakers, and how perfect everything is.  Interview and freaked via Michelle Li! Thanks for the lovings, ladies. Know that it's all very reciprocated! See the full interview here: 

Vin Diesel not included. The perks of manufacturing in North Carolina are unbelievable. FACT: This race car exists. A man by the name of Tommy Lemons drives it. Professionally. And I want to take a moment to confirm all of your suspicions.... yes, he is as awesome as you think he is. 

We recently confessed that Vin Diesel in 2001 is the most profound philosopher of a generation. In the tradition of paying pilgrimage to your ideological heroes, we travelled into the depths of Los Angeles to be touched by the spirit of mediocre action movies. 

In 2001, Vin Diesel shattered the world of philosophical thought with the simple phrase "I live my life a quarter mile at a time." Citizens of the world woke up, bought neon Hondas. They drove them fast. They drove them furiously. I like your logic, Vin, but it's 2013. Your catchphrase needs an upgrade. Sexy Sax Man knows it. We know it. You know it. "I live my life 6 seconds at a time." One Vine at a time.

  Charles Dickens, although generally respected, had one widely apparent flaw: he was unable to predict the future correctly. His classic tale The Christmas Carol has touched the masses, but very few that enlightened enough to know that the story was unfinished. So here's my open letter to Charles Dickens: Yo Charles Dickens, I diggin your book. U know I got mad respect for my boy Tiny Tim, but dat homie Scrooge be trippin. Wuts he got against bugs? Why he always yellin about hummin' em? Dat be rude, bro. N-E-wayz, I wuz thinkin' you should know dat you left out a Christmas ghost, dawg. C, you gots da Ghost of Christmas Past, da Ghost of Christmas Prezent, and da Ghost of ChristmasFuture. U know wut u don't have? DA GHOST OF CHRISTMAS 4EVA. I gotta surprise for you, dawg. I happen to know who dat ghost is. Dat ghost is Vin Diesel. Wuts dat, Charles Dickens? U don believe me? IT'S DA TROOF N' I HAVE PROOF, DAWG.

  Like any good beginning to an Independence Day celebration, we put on our "Hey man, you know that's actually not America but Texas, or Puerto Rico, or Chile...right?" shorts.

Zach and Oliver have launched themselves into space (Pennsylvania) to build rockets (a trade show booth) because they are manly manly men that build things. Do you know what else manly men do? They go to gas stations and hang out with all the other manly men. There is a clause up for debate ...

In celebration of the upcoming shopping madness week, we're going to start flamethrowing special CIA secretive deals your way!  Follow us on Twitter and get a 10% discount code to use on anything here for the next week! We're cutting the red wire (or is it the green wire?! It's always so&...